Category: Uncategorized

February 7

Be yourself.

Where do go when you don’t know where to be?

How can I get there if I can’t see?

Close your eyes,

Hear those lies?

Who you are is the perfect place to be.

You aren’t the right person! That silent lie that permeates the depth of my subconscious causing me to feel out of place no matter where I am.  I don’t belong here.

I was born the fourth daughter out of a family of seven.  My parents fully expected I would be a boy. There were no sonograms then to reveal gender.  They already had a name picked out. The nurse proudly exclaimed to my mother, “It’s a boy!”  Only after the cleanup was it discovered I was in fact a girl.  Disappointment from the beginning.

Medical research has proven a baby in utero feels pain and responds to the voices it hears.  I often wonder how much male programming I was already being subject to before I made it out into the world.  Then to hear the tone of disappointment, even if I didn’t conceptually understand, was setting the stage for years of feeling like a disappointment.  My parents had no idea what they were doing.  I don’t doubt for one minute they didn’t love me or my 6 siblings.  They grew up believing children just forget things by the next day.  I don’t blame them for their ignorance.  I fully believe they did the best they could. I am a parent and I was ignorant to many things as well.  Believe me my children will remind me, often.

Struggling to feel like I belong has been a long journey for me.  Middle children, of which I am one, are often the forgotten one.  They have the distinction of being the peace maker, the quiet one.  No one bothers to ask if something may be upsetting. The middle child has learned to hide what she really feels.  As life moves from childhood to adolescence to adulthood she has learned to not to matter.  If someone dares to get too close, the fear of really mattering, she will unconsciously push them away. How can anyone love her if she doesn’t love herself?

As I enter the next decade of middle age I look back to the year I finally closed my eyes to hear those lies.  There were many.  Some have been permanently shut up. Others need reminding that God said I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  There is no where I can go that He is not there.  In Him I will always belong. In Him I move and have my being.  The more I let Him reveal to me His plan as He designed my life the better I get at recognizing the lies. The better I get at recognizing the lies the quicker I know who I am.  The quicker I remember who I am the less I feel the need to find the place I to belong.  When I am just me, the way He fashioned me, I am in the place I belong.

Close your eyes and just be you.

February 6

Be kind to yourself.

What can be done for the winter blues?

Waiting to sit in the summer hues.

Surround your space,

With mercy and grace.

Essential oils also diffuse.

February 5

There once was a long standing rule,

That for generations so cruel.

It was your age,

That determined your wage.

Forget that lie, it’s old school.

A Rule To Be Broken

Aren’t you glad to be living in today’s world?  My parents tried to convince me of this rule. All I needed was one career, one permanent job and that would sustain me until I reached my social security age of 65.  

Funny thing though, my social security age went from 65 to 66 and 8 months.  That’s cruel. Oh, and if I want to push it to 70 I could gain another 2%.   It’s so hilarious I am figuring out how to retire at 62. I may not be a math genius but I can’t be old school either.  I need to be social. Social media savvy.  Secure as well.  If I wait until 70 I may not be so socially secure waiting on that social security check. 

Dreams are revealing.

I had a dream that my job was to secure a certain building to be emptied of all persons traveling on a specific school bus. Once the door to the building was closed anyone trying to leave would not be allowed on the school bus. To secure the door a plastic tieback was clipped to the top of it. If it was broken by someone trying to get out that would signal they missed the deadline. I had the authority to deny them a seat on the bus. As the group was preparing to leave a friend from grammar school showed up.  I had not seen her in many years and the leader of the group was helping her collect her things.  She was disorganized and I so wanted to help her but when I tried to get to her a man was exiting the glass door. He broke the plastic tieback.  I motioned to the group leader that this “rule breaker” must not be allowed on the bus.  Time was running out and the group leader motioned back  “just come on we need to move.  Just let him come.”  What!  I am doing my job and now you are going to just say forget it, let him come.  No! No! I won’t have it.  I keep the rules. 

In my earnest desire to keep the rules the group leader and my friend disappeared as they hurried to get on the bus. The man made it past me too as I was once again securing the door.  By the time I secured the door and gathered my own things I had forgotten to ask what bus number it was. Did I mention the significance of this bus? This bus was going to change something really big in the world? 

The amount of buses and vehicles waiting for passengers appeared endless.  I was running as fast as I could without dropping my things.  The more I looked for where I needed to be the more I didn’t know where to go. I realized I never found out what number bus it was. How could I even ask someone to point me in the direction of a bus I didn’t know the number of?  I could feel the sinking realization of “I missed it.”  I missed my chance. I missed my chance to change the world.

I couldn’t stand the pain of believing my friend and group leader were gone. So was the man I tried to stop. They were on their way to change the world. Not me. My inability to show grace and compassion for the man that was just less than a minute late and at the same time desiring to show grace and compassion to my friend, cost me my desire to be part of something world changing.  It was very confusing.

Have you ever woken from a dream and still felt the emotional effects of it? 

I need to break my plastic tieback and get on the bus.

I want to change the world. I want to be open to a last minute change and at the same time be assured I didn’t miss the bus. I want to change my little world and at the same time the whole world. I want to help you change your world and at the same help you change the whole world. Maybe I am supposed to tell you, “break that rule and get on the bus!” That’s what Rosa Parks did. She changed her world and the whole world at the same time.

But beware of the motive of your heart.  It must be love. You will never break your plastic tieback out of hate or rebellion. You will never change your world for the good that way. If you get on that bus your world will become small.

What rule do you need to break to change your world?  The whole world?

You can reach me at pkochanek127@gmail.com.  I believe you need to break a rule.

February 4

Winter can make you into a hermit.

Stay warm inside and just sit.

So use this season,

Don’t try to reason.

Write whatever is in your wit.

 

Winter Writer’s Wit

I can really be hard on myself in the winter months.  I just want to crawl up into a blanket and stay there until Spring.  Late, really late Spring at that.  I live for the warm weather and 12 hours of sunlight is just fine with me.  Are you like that too?

So why do I stay here in New England?  Yes I love the trees in the fall and the smell of leaves and wood burning.  Could I take 70 degrees on Thanksgiving? Heck, yeah. Christmas season without cold and snow?  Strangely no.  Santa in a swimsuit delivering packages is unnerving. New Year’s can be 70 again.

Spring with its chilly rain, blah. Summer and a hot balmy night, ah!  I crave warmth all the time.  It was that way even as a child.  Summer always brought some kind of deep peace to my soul.  I never wanted it to end.

Several years back I visited a friend in Venice, Florida.  Nine days, in July.  It was hot.  I really thought about moving there.  Just couldn’t convince my family to make the move.  Fast forward 9 years and I seriously considered Arizona.  In fact I had a plan to sell my house and go out there for 3 months.  I came close to selling the house but through some very unprofessional dealings it just didn’t happen.  It’s all good though and I foresee an even better plan unfolding.  Sure I will need to suck up some winters but I think it is a test.  A test to see if I will be disciplined to write like I said I would.  I gave myself a mandate to write every day for 1 year.  A few words or a lot of words.  Just do it! is my mantra for all of 2018. 

I heard these great words a few days ago.  Write like you are writing to one person but many will read it.  Today my one person is me.  Do it!  Do it now!  Write even if you have to press the delete button a hundred times until the words sound good to yourself.  Write until you feel your heart has been emptied knowing once you stop it is because you will begin again tomorrow. Write and do it now!  Do it now until you have no more wit.

February 3

Does fear of HOW hold you back?

There once was a dreadful fear that HOW feared,

When, where, what , why also appeared.

The truth must be told,

For the plan to unfold.

The answers come after you’ve pioneered.

How?  How can be a debilitating question to answer at certain times.  When I was growing up I used to wonder,    “how could my mother let us starve” until my father came home from work.”  He never came home at the same time.  Sometimes we ate dinner at 5:30 and sometimes not until 8.  It may sound trivial but most of us have been enlightened with the fact that children need consistency. Something basic as a routine supper time produces a sense of security.

On top of that my father would sit at the table and not speak.  How could my father come home after we waited for him to eat, sit down at the table, and not speak?  That led to all kinds of insecurities swirling around in the minds of his seven children. Truth be told out of the seven kids none of us liked to be in the seats near dad.  At least that is how I felt. It reflected in my quiet and barely audible voice. Feelings are powerful regardless of truth. They dictate  all of our actions or reactions in life.

How becomes a way of life. You don’t notice it as a child but it permeates your thinking.  How can bring so much uncertainty. You do everything in your power not to pay attention to it. Yet strangely you are giving it all your attention. If you can’t answer how then how do you answer when, or where, or what, or why? How feels like the question that has to be settled before you move to your desired what.  If you can’t figure out how to do the what, how can you figure out the why?  If you don’t know how and what and why, well how could you ever figure out the when and where?

And if you feel like the child who has no voice you never expect answers to any of your  questions.  Life is just going to happen to you. Who cares how it happens. That is how I lived for a very long time. I don’t even say that today I have it all figured out but I have learned a very important truth.  I don’t need to know the how in everything.  It’s okay.  I can still move forward and not know how.

I propose this to you today.  Do not let How dictate to you that you need all the answers before you do that thing you have wanted to for so long. Just begin.  Just do it!  Do it afraid. Do it alone if you have to. Do it slow if you need to.  But whatever it is do it consistently.  Do it now!

I purposed to write a limerick a day with the end result eventually being a yearly daily reader. When it gets published,  I don’t know.  Where it sells, I couldn’t say. What I write each day develops along the way.  Why is maybe the only answer I have because  I stopped asking how.  Writing makes me happy. This I know as well. I need to let HOW be what unfolds to answer the rest of the questions. Only when I am done can I write how it all came together.  Only when I step out and pioneer can I tell you how I did it.  I don’t want to dread the fear of how.

Do you need some help in getting past the dreaded fear of HOW?  Is there something I can help you with?  Send me your question and I will do the best I can to help you.

Decision Day

February 2

Today is the day you decide,

Is your way narrow or wide?

Write me a limerick,

A winner I’ll pick.

Be sure I know where you reside.

February 1, 2018

A writer named “Do It Now”,

Was working on a list of “how”.

Her mind was confused,

As she quietly mused,

How will I know what to disallow?

A Limerick A Day to Keep You On Your Way January 31

January 31

You made it through the test of January,

But hear a word of urgent cautionary.

I’ll do it now!

I”LL DO IT NOW!

Say it morning , noon and night, fight the adversary.

A Limerick A Day to Keep You On Your Way January 30

January 30

There once was a gutsy gent,

He spoke wherever he went.

I’ll do it now!

I”LL DO IT NOW!

He speaks straight up truth, not bent.

A Limerick A Day to Keep You On Your Way January 29

January 29

There once was a sassy gal,

She turned her pen into her pal.

I’ll do it now!

I’LL DO IT NOW!!

She writes now at any locale.